yellow_moosebumps

2006-06-02T21:37:00.000-07:00

Hello all, I haven't been on in a long long time, I just rearranged my priorities I guess and blogging just didn't seem to be important, I will check every now and then to catch up on old friends but I probably won't begin to blog as frequintly as before, so I'll be seein you all!

2006-04-10T22:22:00.000-07:00

Who am I? The older I get the more I feel I lose my identity. I used to have such high hopes and big dreams but the more time that passes, the more reality sinks in. I will never travel the world, my paintings will never grace the walls of great galleries, I will never direct a box office hit or an award worthy play. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, it is the life I have chosen but you just reach a certain point in life and realize that maybe God has something else in store for you. I don't know if I am on the right path or not, I am on the straight and narrow path that has been well traveled, I am not the adventurer that I once was, the dreams become smaller and more atainable but I still ask myself what I am contributing to society? I don't know what I will be doing in ten years so I don't know if I am doing the right things to get there, I used to think I would save the world. I don't feel that I am living up to my potential in my work or in my faith, and to be honest, I am not sure that I am even trying, I do the minimum that is required to merely get by. I don't know if I am a good person, what if I am doing everything wrong, that is what I constantly pray about. Do I touch peoples lives? Probably not. Do I spread joy? I try. So I am still left with the question, who am I? I know the obvious, I am a Christian, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a grand daughter, a friend, and a fighter, but am I good at any of it? I am a jack of all trades and a master of none. Who am I?

2006-04-06T21:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am happy and sad, I went to pick up my baby girl from day care and they were telling me about her day and she walked, six steps, breaking her previous record of three, and I missed it! The first time she crawled was at daycare too but it was when I was there on lunch. When they told me she walked, I was excited for her but sad for me. I was so afraid this was going to happen when I went back to work but there is nothing I can do about it, and it is even worse now that she is in the 1yr old room because I used to go see her at lunch every day and now they take naps on my lunch so I can't even do that, I hate it! I know this isn't that interesting but I just wanted to document it so I would have it on record!

Please turn your volume up and listen to the video, I love this song, and it means alot to me, I might put up the dixie chick version later, enjoy!!!

Desperately yours,
Mellow Yellow

2006-04-04T17:30:00.000-07:00

Why do people feel like they have to justify themselves to others or feel like they are “losers” for doing something that makes them happy? The definition of loser is as follows: los·er (lzr) 1. a. One that fails to win, b. One who takes loss in a specific way (graceful loser; poor loser) 2. a. One that fails consistently, especially a person with bad luck or poor skills b. One that is bad in quality. In my opinion, someone who is doing something that makes themselves happy, even if it is not socially accepted, is not, by definition or otherwise, a loser. It is a sad world when being happy is socially unacceptable but using the term loser is widely accepted. I honestly think that people use the term too often and it is usually jealousy driven or to draw attention away from personal attributes that they feel insecure about. Just like when someone’s parents buy them a new car, a person that wants a new car but can’t afford one will talk about how they are so spoiled and are not independent and turn it around to be a bad thing, when in reality, they would take the new car if their parents offered. I don’t know many people that would say, “oh, no thanks, I will just drive my old car.”
I really don’t know why people can’t take joy in the happiness of others, I love to see the people around me happy. I love being around kids that are about four years old, they are old enough to converse but they are not in school yet and their minds have not been corrupted yet, they understand feelings and play together, blind to prejudices and stereotypes. I think you have the right to be happy and don’t need anyone’s approval.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t condone finding happiness via criminal behavior or morally unacceptable acts. This was written with a particular situation in mind. There is a difference between morally acceptable and socially acceptable in that morals are almost socially unacceptable today so I chose to ignore social acceptance and cling to morals. Thanks for reading you two!

2006-04-01T22:22:00.000-08:00

Anthony Michael Hall Fan club! (this is an inside joke for those of you on the outside) I wanted to dedicate this post to AMH, mainly because it is late and I don't want to think of anything to write. I hope this proves my dedication as a fan as well as a leader for my fellow club members! For those of you that don't know, AMH made a music video, I decided to feature it on this blog, enjoy!

2006-03-30T19:26:00.000-08:00

After reading someone else's blog, I was reminded of the strong witness that I used to be. I used to witness to anyone that seemed like they lacked guidance. I turned my mom into a bus driver, always inviting people to youth group and when they tried to say no because they didn't have any way to get there, I would tell them that we would pick them up. Most of them were girls with behavioral problems and from "disfunctional" families, they didn't have anyone to lead them in the right direction. I guess I have always been drawn to people with problems. I was also a camp counselor in good old MN, camp J.I.M. (Jesus Is Mine). I worked with the younger girls, that is where I first obtained the nick name "Mom," all the girls called me mom when they got home sick, they were such sweet girls with such good hearts, I learned so much from them. There was one girl that was very shy, Kendra, she stuck to me like glue, everything she made in crafts, she would give to me, I told her she should take them home to her mother but she continued to give them to me, I must confess, it made me feel good. I love God, and I try to do right by him, sometimes I fail, but I don't let those slips stop me. I try to let everyone know that no matter what they have done, God loves and is willing to forgive them if they are willing to go to him with their whole hearts and love him back and abide by his will. I must confess, I have not witnessed in a very long time, there is no excuse, I have just gotten lazy and selfish and wrapped up in other things. I pray nonstop, I worry that someday I will get to the gates of heaven and find out that I did it all wrong. I have faith that everything will be ok, I know we aren't promised tomorrow and that we should do the best that we can with the time that God has given us, God put us all here for a reason and I hope and pray for the wisdom to recognize my purpose. I know this hasn't been very organized, I just wrote what I thought, thanks for reading!

2006-03-26T19:34:00.000-08:00

Shadows in my mind, thoughts that are burried for no one to find. These thoughts that haunt me are memories of pain, heartaches and scars only left in my brain. I built up a wall to block them out, only to find that the shadows remained. Deep in a hole is where I would lay, no one to find me, there in the darkness of the day. I hated myself, and began to love the pain, oh the pain I would crave, the pain I felt saved me from a cold dark grave. I controled my life in a way not told, in the darkness I stayed with only me to hold. I wanted not for visitors, because visitors betrayed, they chilled to the bone in the most hurtful ways. Day after day, night after night, sleep was a luxury that I'd rarely afford. In this life, I barely would dangle, until one day, I feel God sent me an angel. He held my hand and brought me back, with such caring eyes I saw the light in the black. Since those days, I rarely return, to that corner of my mind that shadows have burned. The scars have healed, the weight has come back, and the victim is gone and refuses to come back. My soul, God has saved, I stay in the sun and these feeling I keep locked in a cage.

2006-03-23T20:11:00.000-08:00

I am attempting to create a drama free invironment, a safe haven in blog land of sorts. I am tired, body; mind and spirit. I just want simplicity and a day off, I want the baby not to cry, my husband not to sulk and my body not to hurt. I really feel worn out, I try not to let it show because I feel like I would be admitting defeat and I hate doing that. I feel a break coming though, my mom is going to take the baby for a while over the weekend and maybe I can rest and possibly go to the doctor, ooh, or better yet, I have been wanting to go out to the haven to visit the homeless pups, I think I will do that! Ok I feel better already.

I want to challenge everyone to make tomorrow a good day, shrug of the bad and welcome the good, try to find something good in everything you do or see and have a good FRIDAY!!!

2006-03-22T21:27:00.000-08:00

I have a friend that is young, single, and 40 weeks pregnant. She is going to be induced on Friday and if all goes well, she will get to go home on Monday, but she will be going home with out a baby. Yes, she is giving it up for adoption, and I got to meet the adoptive parents today. I am a little sad for her, she is being so strong but I can tell she is scared. She is giving these people the greatest gift, they have been trying to have children for so long and have been waiting to adopt a child for a while as well and their dreams are about to come true, my friend is giving them a miracle, two people who have been told they would never have a baby are going to be parents! Amazing how much an "accident" can affect lives. I would like for you guys to pray for her strength, health, and happiness in her decision, thank you!!!

2006-03-21T19:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, I know I have had the same video for a while and I don't plan on changing it for a few days, I love this song, it has so much feeling and even though it is sad I think it is beautiful. I think sadness is such a real as well as an important emotion. Some people don't know how to handle sadness, they don't embrace it but rather push it away which I have found to be a little unhealthy. Feeling sad is not admitting defeat or refusing happiness it is what it is, a feeling that every normal person feels. I think you have to feel sad to know how to feel happy, you have to take the bad with the good or nothing at all and to not have emotions, to be completely numb is sad in itself.

2006-03-17T16:00:00.000-08:00

I took a break

............ my cat that I literally raised from birth, died yesterday morning. He was born my senior year in high school, the runt of his litter and his mother abandoned him, refusing all contact, so I bottle fed him and nurtured him to a burlsome 22lbs! Toby would have been six years old next month and he will be greatly missed, our house already seems a little bit emptier with out him arround. He really is in a better place now, he had been sick for a while and lost so much weight but he was a fighter til the end.

2006-03-15T19:15:00.000-08:00

What is important in life

God, Family, and good friends are what are important to me. I come from a large family, my mother is one of six and my father is one of seven, I have 24 cousins between both sides of the family. I also have one brother, one sister, two nieces and two nephews as well as a wonderful mother and father in-law and a sister in-law who is also my best friend. Last and certainly not least, I have a husband who is perfect for me in every way and a sweet baby that words can’t even describe.

My parents raised us well, we got everything we needed and then some. They raised us to work hard, be self sufficient, independent and to be good members of society. I got my Dad’s nose and love of animals & red cars! He taught me compassion, I am a daddy’s girl through and through and I love it. I got my mom’s hands and her good civic mindedness and because of that, I love to volunteer and donate my time to good causes.

My brother and me are five years apart and grew up very close, he is the reason I can throw a punch and know what it looks like when Hemans leg consumes itself when set on fire! All jokes aside, he taught me how to stick up for myself, he means a lot to me even though he is married now and we are not as close as we once were.

My sister is ten years older than me so we were not as close in younger years but have grown closer since we have been older. I have always been very proud of my sister, she is kind to a fault and has accomplished many things in her life. She taught me kindness and I am still learning a lot from her.

I have known my best friend since we were three, we are complete opposites, she is easily taken advantage of and I have always been one to stand up for what I believe in and from my best friend, I have learned that not everyone is capable of standing up for themselves and need a little help from others. I have always been her advocate and will be until the day I die!

I have been with my husband for eight years and he has taught me that non of the crap matters, we do our own thing and let everyone else worry about themselves, he is a little more care free than I choose to be but I guess that is good because we take care of eachother.

I met my baby girl on April 19,2005, she was 6lbs 12oz and worth all 10 months of pregnancy, 10 ½ hrs of labor, and the scar that I will always have to remind me of the blessed event. She is perfect in every way, I learned that I had never heard the most beautiful sound in the world before, the first time you hear you child laugh out loud, you will know what I mean. She has taught me so much and continues to teach me every day.

God is my divine creator and the one who has give me my wonderful family and friends. I am so grateful to him for everything good in my life and I know that I do not always honor him the way he deserves but I try to be the kind of person he wants me to be.

I don’t know what is important to others but these are the things that are important to me, these are the things I need, the things that have made me who I am and continue to shape who I will become, with out them I am nothing. Every once in a while, I have to stop and re-evaluate my life because I start to emphasizing things that are not important, that is what this post was for me, I am attempting to eliminate a few negative threads from my life and submerging myself in the good.

2006-03-14T17:44:00.000-08:00

Unanswered Prayers?

I have often wondered where the term unanswered prayer came from. God answers all prayers and just because it is not the answer that you were hoping for, does not mean that it was not answered. It is like when you were a kid and asked your mom for something, if she said no, you considered that as an answer right? But if God answers no, you say he didn’t answer your prayer, what’s up with that?

When I was 7 or 8, I loved cats, and I bugged my parents about it all the time. I started praying that my parents would get me a cat and one day I was trying to be smooth and showed my dad a picture of a Chihuahua and told him that since I couldn’t have a cat, I wanted a dog that stayed small like cats do. Come to find out, my dad went and told my mom that day that they needed to get me a dog. Christmas eve, I got a black miniature poodle named Rascal, he was not the cat that I asked for but I love all animals so I was excited. God answered no to the cat but gave me something better. Rascal was my best friend, I love him more than words can describe, I learned the meaning of unconditional love from him. He was perfect, when I was little, he let me dress him up in my doll’s clothes, he let me put a tutu on him and he would jump through my hula hoop and I taught him how to play tag. I lived out in the country so I couldn’t just go play with the kids in the neighborhood because there was no neighborhood, but that didn’t matter to me because I had Rascal. I grew older and many of my priorities changed but our relationship never changed, when I would go to camp, I would call home and the first thing I would ask about was him and I would make my mom put the phone to his ear. She said when I wasn’t home, he wouldn’t hardly eat and he would just sulk by my bedroom door. When I graduated from high school, I had made all the arrangements to move out the Monday after the Friday that I graduated, I had already found an apartment that allowed dogs, I saved up the $500 pet deposit, we were going to live in style! I had all of my stuff packed, my bed was even disassembled already but I wanted to sleep in my bedroom my last night at home so my mom set up my dad’s tiny little cot in my room and me and Rascal slept in our room for the last time. The next morning, I got up at 7:00 to start loading the trailer but it was a beautiful morning so I sat on the swing in the backyard thinking about how much I would miss living out in the country, I had the phone with me and my best friend/roommate to be called, I was talking to her when I heard dogs growling. One draw back to living in the country is that people dump stray dogs and a lot of the times they are mean. Amongst the growling, I heard Rascal yelp, I threw the phone and ran outside where I found 5 dogs attacking him, I jumped in front of him and started swatting at the dogs but as I would fight them off on one side, they would dive in from the other side. I finally got them to leave, and there stood Rascal, he looked ok, he had a large gash on one side but was in obvious pain, I screamed for my mom to call the vet, it was 7:45. I made a ramp so that he could walk into my car because he was in too much pain for me to pick him up. I arrived at the vet and he put him in a cage and said that he had to go look at some cows but would look at him as soon as he got back. I went home and we moved one load, then I went back to the vet to check on him, the bastard still hadn’t gotten around to looking at him, I went to see him and he was so weak, but he got up and came to edge so that I could touch him. It wasn’t until the next day that I got my first call at my new apartment, which was 30 minutes from my home town, it was my mom calling, I asked how Rascal was right away, she said “not good.” I could tell she was crying, I knew what happened, I just hung up and drove straight there in my pj’s. When I got there, they already had him boxed up and gave me his collar, we buried him under my favorite tree at my parents house. I still have his collar, all his pictures, and for some reason, I still can’t wash or get rid of the blood soaked towels 5 ½ years later. That kind of love lasts forever, he was not the cat that I asked for but he was the answer to so many prayers that I never had to pray. The next time God “doesn’t answer” your prayers, take a moment and look around, he has given you so much more, you can’t always get what you want but you always get what you need.

2006-03-13T19:58:00.000-08:00

To blog or not to blog, that is the question...

I think I might give up the blog, I am sure that excites some, I know it doesn't really matter to anyone so I am not sure why I do it. I did kind of like it but it really seems pointless considering the falseness of it all. I guess the point for some is to build a facade, a better version of themselves. For some, maybe it is to release things, what ever reason people have for blogging, it seems to make them feel better about themselves but it really doesn't for me, it makes me feel a little vulnerable because I do put a little of myself into it, I have held back a lot but I have still stayed true to myself. I do have something I wrote last week that I am still debating on whether to put it on here, it really isn't that big of a deal, I am just not sure I won't to share it with people I don't know. Blogging feels worse than pageants, at least in pageants it is strangers commenting on you but here it is people that you feel like are your friends making comments on your character.

I can't help who I am, I am an honest person and anyone that knows me knows not to ask my opinion unless they want the truth. I am compassionate, I help people when and if I can, whether they need a shoulder or a place to crash. I am no where near perfect, I don't like being talked about behind my back and usually confront people who I feel are doing me wrong and some people like to fuel that fire. But I also stand up for my friends in the same manner. On that note, I am not always the best at picking my friends but there are a couple in my life that have proven to be true. I could go on and on about who I am but it wouldn't change a thing, you would still judge me, talk about me, and say the same old crap so I will end it on that note for now and continue to ponder............to blog or not to blog.

2006-03-09T16:54:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to my first crush, I still love you Jon, as soon as you leave your wife and I shake my husband, we can be together. Just kidding all, and yes my husband knows about my obsession.

2006-03-07T20:53:00.000-08:00

FRIENDS

Ok, yes I am going soft for a bit but I do still expect silly comments. I just wanted to take a minute to let my friends know that I appreciate your friendship, I know we don’t really do anything outside of work but I do still consider you guys my friends. You guys make work much more fun and you know who I would have to talk to if I weren’t talking to you. We have way too much fun at “work.” And don’t tell her, but I miss 49/49/20, which is very odd since we used to not get along real well, I know, I am pathetic, but you know you miss her too. Judging from our phone conversation this morning, I think she is missing us too, she is a little out of her element, and is surrounded by people she doesn’t know. I will call her sometime tomorrow and see if things are getting better, I told her I wanted a classy souvenir like a ceramic unicorn or a glass rose from a gas station, but what I am really hoping for is one of those velvet coated rose boxes with the jewelry inside, ha ha ha!

Update on kitchen project

Thank you so much for your hints Jim, I still haven’t gotten to check out the site you recommended but I am sure I will this week-end. I decided Sunday that I would break down and buy this stuff called hardi-backer, it is mold resistant cement board, you can buy ½” or ¼” thick 3’x5’ sections. I opted for the 1/4” thickness and I will just put it over the existing sheet rock.

2006-03-07T10:50:00.000-08:00

Precious Bond

Ok, I am posting twice today since my last post was so lame, not to say this one won’t be equally lame.

Ok, we know that there is something about the connection that twins share that is beyond DNA and facial features, something that science can't explain, often twins say that no matter the distance between them, they can feel each others physical pain as well as emotions. I totally believe this because I have heard it too many times.

But what about mothers and their children? Since I had my daughter last April, I am beginning to think that we have the same thing going. I have never had an ear infection in my life, but every once in a while, my ear starts hurting at work, at the end of the day I go pick her up from day care and "coincidently," they tell me she has been tugging at her ear and sure enough she has an ear infection. The same thing with stomach aches, my stomach starts hurting for no reason and then she starts screaming. It is so strange, I guess you could call it sympathy pains, I don't know. Are there any other mothers out there that share this same experience?

2006-03-07T07:11:00.000-08:00

Yellow Moosebumps?

Incase anyone was wondering, there is not a cool or funny story behind the name, I was sitting at home watching The Soup (funny show that makes fun of reality and talk shows, very funny) when I set this up and every name I put in was taken, so then I just started typing words that I heard on TV, I tried chicken salad, several variations of Hasselhoff, and many more. They were all taken too, I looked at my husband and said, I bet no one has anything as stupid as yellow moosebumps, and no one did, that my friends is how Yellow Moosebumps came to be.

2006-03-06T10:16:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a good weekend, mine was ok until about 9:00 p.m. Sunday. We had a leak behind our washing machine so we turned the washing machine on so we could see where the water was coming from, we realized that the pipe that the washer drains into has a clog. My husband was messing around with it and in the process, accidentaly disconnected the drainage hose from the washer right as the full washer began to drain thus causing torential flood waters to flow through my utility area, kitchen and garage where we were keeping all the new sheet rock and tile for our kitchen project. All I can say is thank goodness for our One Sweep rubber broom with squegy (as seen on TV). I just started pushing the water out into the garage, it was a nightmare!

You know how when things are happening to you and you try to will them to stop, and usually by sheer coincidence, they actually do. That is not the experience that i had last night, it was the first time that I actually realized that I did not have ESP, I was so devistated.

FEMA should so get a One Sweep, they could have had the water out of New Orleans way faster.

2006-03-04T21:04:00.000-08:00

Ok, how has everybody's Saturday gone so far? We are renovating our kitchen and it is looking good so far but we are haveing a tile dilema! I guess back in 1969 when the original tile was installed, they used some weird glue, I have removed all the old tile but we are having a hard time getting the old glue off, if anybody knows anything about tile, please give me some suggestions as to how to handle this challenge.

On another note, incase you were wondering, the medical term for pink eye is conjunctivitus, I know this because the baby woke up with it this morning, but those of you that will be seeing me soon, don't worry, the pediatrician says it will not be contagious by tomorrow afternoon so I won't be contaminating you all! Sorry this entry has been so boring, love ya, bye!

2006-03-03T07:29:00.000-08:00

I often wonder if I threw a party, would anyone come? But then I remember that I wouldn’t give a s#$&! My whole life my mother has tried to drive the idea into my head that I should take pride in my appearance and that she worked too hard in the community to have me ruin her reputation by dating a guy whose parent’s had no social status in the little town that time forgot. I love my mother but we have completely different theories on how to obtain happiness.

Those of you who know me aren’t going to believe this but I grew up doing little pageants, I won my first crown at the age of 2, oddly enough, it was the first and last pageant that I recall me winning and my sister not (we were different ages so we didn’t compete against one another) at this time my sister was 12 and in her awkward phase. My sister was much better at it than me, she was petite, blond hair, green eyes, and sweet as could be, she also makes a much better puppet for my mom, she could never tell my mom no. Don’t get me wrong, I really liked pageants when I was younger, I got to dress up and get on a stage in front of everyone and do cute things to make people laugh. I won a few more titles, as did my sister, until the age of 10. I know all you girls know what I mean when I say the awkward phase, not puberty, but that time period preceding puberty, when your hair starts acting weird, your body is stuck in limbo, and sometimes you gain a little weight. Well I hit that at about 10, my sister was 20 and perfect, and my mom entered us in a pageant. This was not just any pageant, it was a Miss Texas preliminary for my sister and a little miss pageant for me. I wasn’t a cute little kid anymore and I wasn’t a young lady yet, I was a fat little girl that people felt sorry for. Needless to say, I didn’t win, I didn’t even get 2nd or 3rd, I got 4th. 4th place is the worst, I would rather be last! It was humiliating, right then and there I decided that it wasn’t fun anymore and I didn’t want to do it. My sister won though, she went to Miss Texas, she didn’t place but she did win a special judges award in a ceremony following the pageant, we were so proud, she decided to stop after that too.

Well, I hit puberty, started playing sports and lost all that baby fat, I am not saying that people should seek gratification based on their looks but it sure felt damn good going to the swimming pool for the first time after losing weight and gaining a cup size. I was always a tom boy, the girl that the boys saw as one of them, the look on their face was priceless, that was the beginning of the end!

To be continued……………

2006-03-02T09:11:00.000-08:00

I am staring out the window, sitting beside a strange girl eating an overdone m&m cookie. She says it tastes good but she must be really hungry because I had one and it tasted like a chicken biscuit dipped in wood glue. I believe her to be mildly retarded, I will have to ask if she took "special class'" in school, normally I would worry about whether I would offend someone by asking such things but I don't think she will get it. She is stupid, just ask her, she wanted me to take glamour shots of her today, I think she broke my camera. Her friend got in on the action but she is not the brightest bulb in the box either, around the election she informed me that it was a close race, "it's like 49%, 49%, 20%" I just said oh, yea? and smiled politely, this is the type of insolence that I deal with on the daily, well got to go and gather new material, bye!

2006-03-01T20:51:00.000-08:00

don't worry, I have arrived!